Subject: Guide to Smart Computer Shopping
Date: Sun, 2 Jun 1996 15:32:30 -0400

And now, from the home office in Roy Atkinson's computer...
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            THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG COMPUTER

The biggest fear of any computer user is that you just blew several grand
on a clunker that's not even fit for a boat anchor.

So how can you tell you should have checked there first? 
Try these dead giveaways on for size:

10. The monitor is certified for low emissions by JiffyLube.

9.  The logo on your receipt: International House of Lame Computers.

8.  The infrared cordless keyboard has only 15 keys, and one of
    them is marked Fast Forward.

7.  You see the salesman you bought it from hawking genuine Rolexes 
    on street corners.

6.  The sound board and speakers are a separate unit, and they receive 
    only AM.

5.  The ad slogan: Ronald McDonald just grew up.

4.  It has only two expansion slots, and they just popped up a couple
    of rounds of toast.

3.  It's labeled "energy saving" only because there's no power supply.

2.  You just got another one with your Happy Meal.

And the number one signe you bought the wrong computer...

1.  The sticker on the case reads "nothing of value inside."