Thanks to Enrique for pointing out this gem in the archives...

Original-Date: Sat, 30 Aug 1997 00:00:06 -0400

PackyHumor Traceback: Ian <- Karen <- Timothy Shea <- "Dar"

Many thanks to Ian Agranat for whetting our appetites with this tasty morsel...

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.

Set the oven using these keystrokes: <\mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//>

Then enter: <ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter: <ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your specification.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help (tm) and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken (tm) is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

In case you were looking for the Manual, Microsoft no longer ships manuals with TV dinners. You must now use the Oven Help file which will be displayed on your microwave oven's 20-character information screen. This is actually much better than having manuals because it will always be current and you won't have to find a place to store it. You may, however, need to add more memory to your microwave oven, but it will work better with more memory anyway. You may also wish to consider getting a monitor for your microwave oven so you can read more than 20 characters of your helpfile at a time, and if you do that you might as well get an OvenCam so you can watch your food cook on the monitor. That's much easier than trying to see your food cook through all those holes in the radiation shield. Your neighbors, who you know to be power cookers, probably already have one and are already enjoying their oven experiences more than you are.

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif.-Aug. 1, 1997 - Sun Microsystems, Inc. and Netscape Communications Corp. (NASDAQ: NSCP) today announced the developer release of the Java TV Dinner SDK, a comprehensive set of meal components and services designed to simplify preparation of dinner. Unlike platform-specific solutions, Java TV Dinner lets developers, "cook once, eat anywhere."

Meal components include beans, peas, zucchini, nonfat blueberry frozen yogurt, penne pasta, and some leftover beef panang. IBM will provide a great big huge rare steak with potatos and gravy and hollandaise sauce, and Oracle will provide that icky green stuff that you find inside a lobster shell.

Services include spoons and knives. Forks will be provided in a future version of the product.