Subject: Car Humor...
Date: Mon, 15 Jul 1996 17:35:12 -0400

Attribution: Dr. John Hammer

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a
1996 Turbo BeepBeep. The Turbo BeepBeep is the best and most expensive
car in the world, and it cost its new proud owner $500,000. Admiring
himself, and his new possession, he takes it out for a spin. No sooner
did he get it out of first gear than he is forced to stop for a red
light. While sitting patiently for the light to change, an old man on a
moped, both looking about 90 years old and both sputtering, pulls up next
to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What
kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The dude replies "A 1996 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."

"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so
much?"

"'Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude
proudly.

The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure" replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.  Leaning
back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what
his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads
320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to
be getting closer!

Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him -- going 2, maybe 3
times as fast!

The guy wonders "What on earth could be going faster than my Turbo
BeepBeep?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.

Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on
the moped!  "Couldn't be", thinks the guy.  "How could a moped outrun a
Turbo BeepBeep?"  Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!

WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car,
demolishing the rear end.

The guy jumps out, and jeezus to betsy, it IS the old man!  Of course,
the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the
dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for
you?"

The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror
on your car!"

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Author:  Brett Goldstock
Sender-to-PackyHumor: Tanyalynette LaVoie


 The Top 20 Cool Things About a Car that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light
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20. Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am!

19. Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green.

18. Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. 

17. Never in car long enough to hear an entire Madonna song. 

16. Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking keep bugging you to carpool. 

15. No one can see you pick your nose while you drive.

14. Lunch breaks in Paris, circa 1792. 13. LA to Albuquerque in 2 nanoseconds.

12. You can stop worrying about being sucked into a black hole driving home
    from work.

11. You'll be so thin while driving it you can even wear horizontal stripes.

10. That deer in your headlights is actually behind you.

9.  Kid from Mentos commercial almost guaranteed to lose a limb if he tries
    to duck through back seat.

8.  Traffic enforcement limited to cops with PhD's in Quantum Physics. 

7.  Bugs never see you comin'.

6.  You can get to the good fast food joints before President Clinton.
 
5.  You can make a fortune delivering pizza with the slogan "It's there
    before you order or it's free!"

4.  Car makes it from Hollywood to London fast enough to not arouse
    suspicions of Elizabeth Hurley.

3.  License plate: "Me=mc2"

2.  Tossed trash doesn't land in the backseat -- it lands in last week!
    
and the Number 1 Cool Thing About 
a Car that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light . . .
     
1.  Chicks really dig it.

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PackyHumor: some idiotic, inane or otherwise confusing mail that packy,
            for no discernable reason, chooses to inflict on his friends.
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