Subject: Finding a wife by The Book...
Date: Thu, 5 Sep 1996 01:19:36 -0400

[ Another message in the continuing exchange program with SmileyMail ]
Ed. note: I haven't checked these for accuracy, but they *sound* right...
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                  The Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife
                  ------------------------------------------


Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim
her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
                                                  (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)


Find a prostitute and marry her.                  -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)


Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
                                                --Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)


Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
                                                    --Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)


Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and
carry her off to be your wife.         -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)


Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost 
you a rib.                                     -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)


Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. 
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven 
years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place.  That's 
right--fourteen years of toil for a woman.   -- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)


Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and 
get his daughter for a wife.                   -- David (1 Samuel 18:27)


Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
                                               -- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)


Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
                                   -- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)


When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have
seen a... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your 
decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." 
                                               -- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)


Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
                                                  -- David (2 Samuel 11)


Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a 
good idea, it's the law).
            -- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)


Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. 
                                             -- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)


A wife?...NOT!!!                         -- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)




Elita Bradley found this one in the apple tree.

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                                       |___/ some people get it. (sm)