Subject: Dog Education Date: Mon, 21 Oct 1996 13:14:22 -0400 Sharon Zohar seems to be contributing a lot lately. Thanks, Sharon! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM MY DOG --------------------------------------------------- We all wanted to run away from home when we were young. Have your friends take you out when they get home from work. If you go out, don't forget your license. Chasing cars is good exercise. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own mouth. Paws and reflect on what life has given you. It's hard to resist puppy eyes. If you aren't getting what you want, BEG. When in doubt, roll over and play dead. Everybody needs a best friend. Gravity always wins. Good grooming is important. Stick to clothing that complements your natural coloring. Always leave a little something behind for those you love. Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize! SHED your inhibitions! Don't lie about where you've been. Get to the ROOT of the problem as fast as possible. There's nothing more satisfying than getting into nature. Yard work is never done. Keep yourself close to Mother Earth. Not everyone has a green thumb. NEVER return to the scene of the crime! It's OK to be big and clumsy. Dive headlong into those boring chores. Surround yourself in comfort. Troublemakers always get thrown in the pound. Clean and orderly is BORING! There's nothing worse than being caught between someone else's sheets. Sometimes you have to jump through hoops for people. Be obedient. Learn a few tricks to entertain a guest. The simple gestures mean the most. Collect brownie points whenever possible. Bury your favorite possessions in the backyard. Stay up late enough to howl at the moon. It seems some days are spent chasing your tail. Play HARD! You're never too old to play with toys. We all have our favorite toys. So many squeaky toys, so little time......... It's hard not to look guilty when you've done something wrong. Let them know you've arrived. Don't forget to wash your paws before supper. Leave your mark wherever you go. We all leave an indelible pawprint on the world. Having someone scratch your back can be a religious experience. Make sure you get fed. Show pleasure by drooling. A cold nose means a warm heart. We were all cute when we were puppies. Just the thought of some things can make your mouth water. A few wrinkles add character. Everybody needs a best friend. Pay attention to people even if you have no clue what they're saying. If you stare at something long enough, it will gravitate toward your mouth. Keep your ears perked for any juicy gossip. People get upset if you stain their carpets, regardless of how cute you are. Put your nose directly in other people's business. Take only what you need. It's a man-eat-man world out there. If you can't manage 3 square meals a day, settle for 1 long one. Don't bite the hand that turns the can opener. Test your limits. You can never have too much of a good thing. If you can get sympathy from someone, food can't be far behind. If you're happy and you know it, wag your tail! Don't be above drinking out of the toilet. Supplement your diet regularly. If you get caught, play dumb. You can tell a lot about someone by their shoes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ PackyHumor: some idiotic, inane or otherwise confusing mail that packy, for no discernable reason, chooses to inflict on his friends. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What kind of name is 'Packy'? Visit 'www.dardan.com/packynet' to find out!