Tobacco giant Philip Morris has been running ads
recently to try to change their image as a big meanie,
including some in which they stress how hard they
work to keep cigarettes out of the hands of teenagers.
Their new slogan: "Working to Make a Difference"
The Top 14 Other Ways Philip Morris
is "Working to Make a Difference"
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
| 14> | Quality programming for kids provided by new "Nick-o-Teen" cable network. |
| 13> | Hiring O.J. Simpson's detectives to find "the real killers" of smokers. |
| 12> | Launching of the Chinese "Joe Panda" campaign. |
| 11> | Buying up all existing copies of "The Insider" and donating them to deserving children from Borneo and Tibet. |
| 10> | "Marlboro Miles" can no longer be used to purchase Pokemon products. |
| 9> | For every 1,000 cartons sold, 1 carton donated to the American Cancer Society. |
| 8> | "Benson & Hedges" brand renamed to more kid-friendly "Calvin & Hobbes." |
| 7> | For poor people who can't afford to eat *and* smoke, free cigarette included in Kraft Macaroni & Cheese boxes. |
| 6> | New slogan: "Cigarettes don't kill people -- GUNS kill people!" |
| 5> | Considering a campaign to keep cigarettes out of the hands of pregnant mothers. |
| 4> | Investing millions in ad campaign: "A Big Mac?!?!? Christ, that'll REALLY kill ya!!" |
| 3> | Raleigh's new William Morris Park paved with tar exhumed from Yul Brynner's lungs. |
| 2> | Bribes for politicians now wrapped in 100% recycled envelopes. |
| 1> | New ad campaign for 2000: "You don't have to smoke just because all the really cool kids do." |
I'm as willing as the next guy to suspend
disbelief, but I'm just not buying
Steven Seagal as an ass-kickin' geologist.
(Scott E. Frank)
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