Every once and a while, Top5 comes through with some gems. As usual, this list has been edited for crudeness.
Today's list was compiled from submissions sent in
by the
finalists in our New Contributor contest.
The Top 20 Courses at Superhero College
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
| 20. | CULINARY ARTS 107: Garlic Breath -- the Hidden Super Power |
| 19. | ETHICS 260: Comparative Philosophies on Acting as an Agent of Justice in a Rapidly Evolving World of Increasing Complexity and Moral Ambiguity (Prerequisite: Intermediate Ass-Whupping) |
| 18. | ECONOMICS 412: Where Do Those Mad Scientists Get Funding for Their Fiendish Experiments, Anyway? |
| 17. | PHYSIOLOGY 201: Oft-Overlooked Super Powers -- Part 3, Phlegm |
| 16. | SUPER POWERS 411: Using Your Powers to Accidentally Endanger the Lives of Innocent Bystanders |
| 15. | ETHICS 221: Using Your Powers to Benefit a Stupid, Ungrateful Public Rather Than Robbing Banks, Extorting Governments, and Flying Unsuspecting Supermodels to Your Fortress of Solitude |
| 14. | SOCIOLOGY 403: Why Johnny Can't Fly -- The problems of super offspring in 21st Century Society |
| 13. | COMPUTER SCIENCE 102: Intro to Pascal, Fortran and Sentient Computers Trying to Take Over the Earth |
| 12. | PSYCHOLOGY 105: Getting Villains to Tell You Their Entire Plot After They Capture You |
| 11. | PSYCHOLOGY 401: Why You'll Never Be As Popular As Superman |
| 10. | SECRET IDENTITIES 107: Throw Away Those Glasses! *Really* Concealing Your Identity With Colored Contacts and Mousse |
| 9. | UNIFORMS 303: The Underwear Goes On The Inside |
| 8. | PRE-LAW 332: "Judgment Proofing" Your Superhero Ass *Before* That Big Showdown Atop Trump Tower |
| 7. | HISTORY 302: A Historical Overview of Victorian-Era Salon Poets and How You Could Crush Any of Those Absinthe-Drinking Pansies With Just One Twitch of Your Immensely Powerful Nostrils |
| 6. | WEAPONRY 332: Duck! -- Lethal Characteristics of the Thrown, Unloaded Handgun |
| 5. | HISTORY 101: Choosing Your Name Carefully (The Green Lantern Isn't Green, Nor is a Lantern Intimidating) |
| 4. | CIVICS 329: Xena Reruns, The Red Phone, and You -- Perspectives on Civic Responsibility |
| 3. | SUPER POWERS 312: Invisibility (attendance mandatory, roll *will* be called) |
| 2. | SUPER POWERS 417: "I Was Just Checking Your Bloodstream for the Presence of a Malevolent Alien Nanite Lifeform" -- Excuses to Cover Misuse of Your X-Ray Vision |
| and Topfive.com's Number 1 Course at Superhero College... | |
| 1. | SECRET IDENTITIES 217: Keeping your Secret Identity a Secret -- Taught by Winslow Anderson, a.k.a. Captain Stupend-- ...Aw, CRAP! |
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(Pam Pickard)
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