Another culled from Tuesday's mail disaster, which sent an entire Internet Oracle digest to our little list...
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Oracle, most well-positioned of those who know all, you lacking any hint of the vile "killing chi" associated with pointed references. I ask you most humbly and truthfully this,
How can I best arrange my computer room/den for good Fen Shui?And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Well, for a moment there I thought you were asking about -Feng- Shui, which is about special positioning of objects and places to increase overall harmony, which is widely regarded, even by the Chinese, as nothing more than complete and utter crap.
Fortunately, you have asked about -Fen- Shui, a completely different philosophy. Fen, as everyone knows, is one of the Chinese designations for their currency. Fen Shui, then, must be about the placement of money to increase your overall harmony.
This is vital, as nowadays in the world of absurd tax laws, I.R.S. invasions, and politicians, money must be placed in very special locations in order to avoid capture. Hiding it your den, or even your computer room, is extremely limiting, however. You would be far better off sending it to a tax shelter somewhere, perhaps even opening a Swiss bank account.
Nevertheless, hiding money in your house is an option, though not a particularly ideal one. Avoid wall safes or any obvious trappings of that sort. They can be pulled out of the house for thieves to pick open at their leisure. No one is fooled by the oversized reprint of the Rembrandt; take it back. You will want to store it underground somewhere, and then place a heavy object (like a filing cabinet, bookcase, mother-in-law) over it. Make sure that it is not immediately obvious that you move this heavy object often in order to get to your money, nor should you go about re-arranging furniture without any other motivations -- this could be regarded as suspicious behavior, and you could be subject to a very thorough search.
You owe the Oracle two hundred fen.