Apologies to our Protestant friends. Tasken from the Good Clean Fun list (http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor).

AND IN CONCLUSION: A required statement midway through the sermon.

BAPTISTRY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the sermon.

CHOIR: 1. A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to pantomime singing. 2. If the music is quality, the words cannot be understood. 3. If the words are quality, the music is lousy.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Protestant Churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of the service, consisting of the pastors, the choir, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song on Sunday AM, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

UNKNOWN TONGUES: Mother's pantomime instructions to her kids from the choir.

USHERS: The only people in the church who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.