It's Oracle Week at PackyHumor!

Ok, a word of explanation is necessary for this one. Long time subscribers will know that I pull humor from a variety of online resources, one of them being The Internet Oracle. The Internet Oracle (formerly The Usenet Oracle) is a humor project run out of Indiana University. I'm guessing many of our less-technical subscribers haven't heard of this project, so here's how it works:

People send questions (these people are called 'Supplicants') to the 'Oracle' at oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the subject 'tellme'. Questions are all supposed to start with a grovel telling the Oracle how wise and all knowing it is.

These questions wait around in Indiana until someone else decides they want to answer one of the questions (thus becoming an 'Incarnation' of the Oracle). They send a message to the same address with the subject 'askme'. They get a question that's been sitting around a while, and when they compose a reply and ask for some humorous form of tribute, the computer in Indiana sends it back to the person who originally asked the question. Got it?

The people who run the project look at all the questions and answers, and they pick the ones they like best for a "best of" mailing they call "The Oracularities". This is one of those...

--- 1175-02 ---
Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" <jrp@pun.org>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

Oracle, answer a question that's been plaguing me for a while. It's now 12:42am, EST. Is there only one other denizen of the Oracle turf at the moment, and if so, are we going to end up trading tellmes and askmes for the rest of the night and slowly get to know each other through them, like one of those foreign "human condition" films?

Hey, now THAT's an idea! Only lose the foreign film angle, we need something more marketable, like a romantic comedy...

The Oracle Replies
A true story of love in unexpected places.
Starring Meg Ryan as the Supplicant and Tom Hanks as the Incarnation...

(SCENE: Inside a dark computer lab. The Supplicant, an attractive college girl in unwashed jeans and a T-shirt sits hunched over a keyboard, typing furiously.)

SUPPLICANT: (muttering to herself as she types for the benefit of illiterate audience members) Oh Oracle most wonderfully wise and comforting, whom I love more than life itself... Can we finally meet each other, in person, tonight?

(In a Manhattan high-rise apartment, a well-dressed businessman, the Incarnation, leans back and stares at his PC.)

INCARNATION: (reading) The Oracle requres an answer... (opens file) Ah! (quickly starts typing a reply) Yes, of course. Please, tell me where you live, and I'll meet you there, my love.

(Back in the computer lab, the Supplicant's eyes widen with delight.)

SUPPLICANT: The Oracle replies! (reads message, begins typing) Yes, dear, I live in Apartment XX at XXXX Suchandsuch Street. I'll be waiting for you. Oh, I can't wait to put my arms around you and hold you tight... (sends message)

(Meanwhile, across town, a Flea-Ridden Bum, played by Adam Sandler, has broken into a computer store and is playing with one of the laptops.)

BUM: Hey, check out this danged Oracle thing... Ooh, I think I'll send an askme... (his e-mail program flashes) Hey, The Oracle requires an answer! (opens it, stares) All right! (runs out the door)

Okay, okay, so maybe the Internet Oracle isn't the best medium to hold an online romance on...

You owe the Oracle a more anonymous method of communication. If you look anything like Meg Ryan, that is.