Subject: The Top 15 Problems with Intel's New Chip
Date: Sat, Sep 2 2000 00:00:02 EDT

THE TOP FIVE LIST
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NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Intel Corp., the largest maker of CPU chips for personal computers (including the Pentium line), recently stopped production of its latest high speed 1.13 gigahertz chip due to newly-discovered flaws. And guess what? TopFive intercepted a secret Intel document, detailing just what those flaws are...

The Top 15 Problems with Intel's New Chip

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]

15.The message on your monitor says to tell Keanu Reeves that the office will explode if he types slower than 55 words per minute.
14.Sure, it's fast, but it's prone to premature calculation.
13.Doesn't have a specific plan for improving health care.
12.Only capable of handling 5.2 Windows crashes per day.
11.Never communicates with its motherboard -- despite all those messages she leaves on its answering machine.
10.You do the math. No, seriously -- YOU have to do the math.
9.Incompatible with Microsoft Salsa.
8.Calculated Bill Gates' net worth at only a half a gajillion dollars.
7.Since they added Olestra to the chips, your files don't get backed up any more.
6.There's nothing wrong with it! It's just working faster than the human eye can see. Yeah, that's the ticket... faster than the human eye can see.
5.When you boot your PC, the Earth momentarily stops rotating.
4.Runs too hot -- but then again, now you can use your system's floppy disk drive to warm up Pop Tarts.
3.At high processor speeds, the tread comes flying off.
2.Too much Ponch, not enough John.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Problem with Intel's New Chip...
1.Critical flaw discovered by scientists at Los Alamos lab: you can place the three of hearts on the four of diamonds in Solitaire.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]

Rumination of the Day

We watched in amazement as the heated cutting utensil sliced through the yellow dairy spread like a hot knife through butter.

(Jeff Chastain) 

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