The Top 18 Signs You're Watching a Bad Horror Movie
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
| 18 | It has more than three Wayans brothers in it. |
| 17 | That new green ketchup just doesn't make as realistic blood as its red variant. |
| 16 | Texas Chainsaw Massacre 6 just isn't as scary with Leatherface wielding a Palm Pilot instead of a chainsaw. |
| 15 | The movie is almost over and Pauly Shore is still alive. |
| 14 | The hockey mask on the murderer looks suspiciously like a tortilla with the mouth and eye holes chewed out. |
| 13 | "I see dumb people." |
| 12 | The guy with the large knife would be horrifying -- if he'd just get out of that damn sand trap and start chasing someone. |
| 11 | You find yourself wondering which hideously deformed mutant zombie will be voted out of the farmhouse. |
| 10 | You decide to sneak into the Pokeman movie next door so it won't be a total waste of nine dollars. |
| 9 | Raspy voice on the phone saying "Get OUT... of the... HOUSE!!" is the landlord carrying out an eviction. |
| 8 | Villain's Weapon of Choice: Melon Baller |
| 7 | Instead of spewing green slime everywhere and spinning her head around, the little "possessed girl" just makes a motorboat sound with her lips and rolls her eyes back and forth for a half hour. |
| 6 | Brad and Janet fix their flat with a can of Cheez Whiz, drive right by the haunted castle and spend the night at a Motel 6. |
| 5 | The main character executes his victims one by one -- then runs for President! |
| 4 | The only ill effect of the teleportation device malfunctioning is that the mad scientist's socks are now mismatched. |
| 3 | "Evil" Pikachu's goatee keeps falling off. |
| 2 | You're fairly sure Hitchcock never combined a shower, a naked woman, and a bottle of chocolate syrup in quite that way. |
| and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Watching a Bad Horror Movie... | |
| 1 | Jason's mask is made from the all new botanical aromatherapy line of clay from Crabtree & Evelyn and includes pore-reducers and exfoliating crystals. |
If I were a ghost, I'd dress up as
a kid on Halloween so I could scare
everybody with my frighteningly
obsessive need for irony.
(Jeff Chastain)
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