Subject: Dogs' New Year Resolutions
Date: Sun, Dec 31 2000 00:00:03 EST
Bob Brunner found this in his dog's bedding...
Dogs' New Year Resolutions
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
- The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table
- I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
- I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
- I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the
house when I am about to throw up.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not scootch my bottom along the carpet to rid myself of
hangers-on.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
- I will not eat other animals' poop.
- I will not lick my human's face after eating another animals poop.
- I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
- The litter box is not a cookie jar.
- I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose on her bottom.
- I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
- I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones or my
people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
- When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when
it's raining outside.
- I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is
sitting on the toilet.
- We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear
one on the TV.
- I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard
with them
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither is Mom's lap.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's
license and car registration.