Bob Brunner found this in his dog's bedding...

Dogs' New Year Resolutions

• I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
• The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
• I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table
• I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
• I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
• I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
• I will not throw up in the car.
• I will not scootch my bottom along the carpet to rid myself of hangers-on.
• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
• I will not eat other animals' poop.
• I will not lick my human's face after eating another animals poop.
• I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
• The litter box is not a cookie jar.
• I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose on her bottom.
• I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
• I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
• When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
• I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
• We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear one on the TV.
• I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them
• The sofa is not a face towel. Neither is Mom's lap.
• My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
• I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.