Subject: George W. Bush Declares Himself Dictator
Date: Mon, Jan 2 2001 00:00:02 EST

Once my brother Kevin saw the flame emails that were generated by our December 14th Bonus Humor, "God Overrules Supreme Court" http://packyhumor.dardan.com/archive/2000/20001214-1053.shtml (one went so far as to call me a "blasphemous purveyor of liberal filth"), he was aching to push our conservative subscribers' buttons some more. So he sat down at his keyboard and composed this "news" story--yes, folks, this is a PackyHumor exclusive!

George W. Bush Declares Himself Dictator

Dec. 18, 2000 - In his historic meeting with Fed. Chairman Alan Greenspan, President-elect George W. Bush declared himself dictator. "It's what the American people want," said Bush. "They're tired of all this partisan bickering, and they want an effective government that can make decisions. And I'll be the one making those decisions." Bush reassured the public that he wouldn't be making all the decisions, since he will still delegate the really tough ones to Vice President-elect Dick Cheney.

Bush later retracted his comments after the obvious public outcry. "I was only joking," confessed Bush, pleading that he did not realize the microphones were live at the time he made his remarks. Bush's comments mark the first time an American president has considered dictatorship since the Nixon Administration.

Reactions to Bush's comments were mixed around the world. Russian President Vladimir Putin expressed outrage at Bush's remarks. "We Russians do not find this sort of thing funny!" exclaimed Putin. "First, President Reagan declares nuclear war against our people, and now, Bush mocks our attempts at democracy by declaring himself dictator!"

The reaction in Beijing was quite different. "It is about time the United States has seen the light," remarked Chinese President Jiang Zemin, praising Bush's decision. "Democracy was bound to fail, and we knew it was only a matter of time before the Americans would follow our lead."

Fidel Castro's reaction was much more reserved. The Cuban leader stated only that his country looked forward to having a warm relationship with the American despot over the next 40 years or so.

Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein has not commented on the matter.