| 28> | "As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against participating in that showdown in the middle of town. The liability issues are staggering." |
| 27> | "Well me, the construction worker, and my sailor buddy are here to tell y'all, it's *fun* to go to the YMCA!" |
| 26> | "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!" |
| 25> | "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution." |
| 24> | "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room." |
| 23> | "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!" |
| 22> | "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!" |
| 21> | "In this town we got a way to deal with murderin' scum like you, Bart -- civil litigation!" |
| 20> | "Whose turn is it to change the potpourri in the bunkhouse?" |
| 19> | "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight." |
| 18> | "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches." |
| 17> | "Well, men, the Apaches have burned down our fort and stolen our women... but considering what we've done to THEM, I think they're showing remarkable self-restraint." |
| 16> | "You had me at 'Howdy.'" |
| 15> | "Who let the dogies out?" |
| 14> | "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue." |
| 13> | "Yeah, I'm sure he was an Indian -- his name was Amandip Gupta." |
| 12> | "That's *Sheriff* Richard Simmons to you, pardner." |
| 11> | "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!" |
| 10> | "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration." |
| 9> | "I cain't go in the saloon! Brown Bart's wearin' the same shirt I'm a-wearin'!" |
| 8> | "They call me... Moesha." |
| 7> | "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?" |
| 6> | "Dammit, Jake, yer an enabler!" |
| 5> | "Dadgummit, boys, slow down on that vichyssoise or you ain't gonna have no room for the tiramisu!" |
| 4> | "Three to five day waiting period? But I got a duel at sundown!" |
| 3> | "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge." |
| 2> | "reach 4 the sky! :-O put all ur $$$ in the bag, lol." |
| and Topfive.com's Number 1 Line You'll Never Hear in a Western... | |
| 1> | "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!" |
Alright, who do I complain to?
Some guy sold me a ticket for a
tour of the "Cave at Emptor," but
it turns out there's no such place!
(Brad Hamer)
================================================================== [ T H E T O P F I V E L I S T ] [ TOP5 -- The Home of Original Humor http://www.topfive.com ] [----------------------------------------------------------------] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ] ==================================================================