Excerpts from Real Resumes & Cover Letters...
Fortune Magazine 7/21/97
| 1. | I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. |
| 2. | I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 comptor and spreasheet progroms. |
| 3. | Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. |
| 4. | Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. |
| 5. | Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. |
| 6. | Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. |
| 7. | It's best for employers that I not work with people. |
| 8. | Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience. |
| 9. | You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. |
| 10. | Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. |
| 11. | I was working for my mom until she decided to move. |
| 12. | Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No committments. |
| 13. | I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. |
| 14. | I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. |
| 15. | I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. |
| 16. | My goal is to be a meterologist. Buty since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. |
| 17. | I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. |
| 18. | Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. |
| 19. | As indicated, I have over five years of analyzing investments. |
| 20. | Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. |
| 21. | Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping". I have never quit a job. |
| 22. | Marital status: often. Children: various. |
| 23. | Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work at 8:45 every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions. |
| 24. | The company made me a scapegoat, just like my 3 previous employers. |
| 25. | Finished eighth in my class of ten. |
| 26. | References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me. |
| 1. | Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. |
| 2. | His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity. |
| 3. | I would not allow this employee to breed. |
| 4. | This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be. |
| 5. | Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap. |
| 6. | When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. |
| 7. | He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. |
| 8. | He sets low personal standards and then consistenly fails to achieve them. |
| 9. | This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. |
| 10. | This employee should go far ... and the sooner the starts, the better. |
Smileymail: some people get it. (sm)