Subject: Classic PackyHumor: The Thermodynamics of Hell
Date: Fri, Jul 13 2001 00:00:03 -0400

Origianlly-Sent: Mon, 24 Feb 1997

Note: Definate Urban Legend. See note at end.

This was sent to us by Dan Bentz, who's doing graduate work in Physics at the University of Arizona (this message was sent to all Physics Grad students there...)

A thermodynamics professor wrote a take-home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we need to look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. Of course, on the other hand, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
It was not revealed what grade the student got.
The original version I sent out in 1997 claimed to be a true story, but I've removed that wording from this version. Why? Because I just got a copy last month which had two hallmarks of a classic urban legend: it named the university this supposedly happened at, and it added a bit of faulty logic at the end which completely ruined the piece.

The newer version finished up with the student naming a woman who had told him in Freshman year that, "Hell will freeze over before I sleep with you," and using this to conclude that Hell is exothermic. However, any student well versed enough in physics to put forth such a masterful postulate would surely not fall prey to such a simple logic fallacy. Hell freezing may be a precondition for the situation he desired, but just because the situation did not come to pass doesn't rule out the precondition. In logic terms, just because A implies B does not mean (not A) implies (not B).

To put it in terms even the person who amended the newer version could understand, Bill Clinton would have to have had sex with Monica for her to have gotten pregnant. Just because she wasn't pregnant doesn't mean they didn't have sex.