Former coworker Christine Connell sent this to me back in, hmmm, let's see... February 1997. Yup, I'm trolling the backlog again.
Warning: geek humor ahead.
| Customer: | What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ? |
| UNIX consultant: | Yes, that's correct. |
| Customer: | No, what is it ? |
| UNIX consultant: | Yes. |
| Customer: | So, which is the one ? |
| UNIX consultant: | No. 'which' is used to find the program. |
| Customer: | Stop this. Who are you ? |
| UNIX consultant: | Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'. |
| Customer: | All I want to know is what finds the revision code ? |
| UNIX consultant: | Use 'what'. |
| Customer: | That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ? |
| UNIX consultant: | No. 'true' gives you 0. |
| Customer: | Which one ? |
| UNIX consultant: | 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname' |
| Customer: | Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it? |
| UNIX consultant: | Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code. |
| Customer: | I want to find the revision code. |
| UNIX consultant: | You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'. |
| Customer: | Which command will do what I need? |
| UNIX consultant: | No. 'which command' will find 'command'. |
| Customer: | I think I understand. Let me write that. |
| UNIX consultant: | You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system. |
| Customer: | Write what? |
| UNIX consultant: | No. 'write that'. 'what program'. |
| Customer: | Cut that out! |
| UNIX consultant: | Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options. |
| Customer: | Do you always do this ? |
| UNIX consultant: | 'du' will give you disk usage. |
| Customer: | HELP! |
| UNIX consultant: | 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS). |
| Customer: | You make me angry. |
| UNIX consultant: | No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once. |
| Customer: | I don't want to make trouble, so no more. |
| UNIX consultant: | No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'. |
| Customer: | Nice help! I'm confused more now! |
| UNIX consultant: | Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name. |
| Customer: | This is almost as confusing as my PC. |
| UNIX consultant: | I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team. |