Subject: Out of the Mouths of Babes
Date: Sun, Jun 30 2002 00:00:10 -0400
Ruth Middleton sends us this collection of shorts about our younger selves...
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a
droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children
getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she
threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back
to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her
three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We
used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung
from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries
in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how
are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided
to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She
would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready
to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it
was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the
covers off thy neighbor's wife,"
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the
movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The
scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In
the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the
submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was
the 20,000 leaks!"
When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy
whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess
what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do
you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to
'i' and add 'es'."